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Review: Techno Kitten Adventure

Who would have thought such a sweet looking cat would make gaming such a pain in the eyeballs? Oh, and options is spelt OPTIONS
Oh. My. God. If you suffer from epilepsy, this game is not for you. If you don't, you soon will. This game takes the idea of "blended music and intense visual gaming" to a whole new level. And I'm sad to say, that's not a term of endearment. This game will make you feel sick after about 2 minutes, and it will make you incredibly angry with it. You will want to throw your phone or your tablet or even your console (yes, there is an Xbox version of this game) out of the window and kill it with fire.

The Aim of the Game

 The aim of this game is a lot like Flappy Bird. In the sense that you will want to hit your phone incredibly hard with a hammer just to make the little cat move it's ass across the screen. The simple aim is to get from one end of the level to the other. That's it, doesn't sound too difficult does it? Well, let me piss on your bonfire a little. You have flying debris, stars made out of stars, plenty of visual shit to make you shake on the floor for half an hour. Quite simply, this game is an assault on the senses, and it only becomes more and more difficult over time.
Butterfly "Kitteh" and Dream "Kitteh", are you serious?
 The music cues in the game dictate what goes on on your screen, the music starts out as this game suggests, as techno. Then the bass drops, and all hell kicks off. You end up with lazers and flashing stars and every manner of mind fuck that you can think of. This game earned my Galaxy Alpha it's first day of getting thrown across the room. Luckily it landed on my bed but that's not the point. This game will just screw your eyes up. I already need glasses, I don't need cheap LASIK surgery through my phone screen too!

Cue the lazer show, note the amount of stuff on the screen

Take into account the amount of shit this game puts in the background, this is fairly tame

Who's idea was it to put lazers in with a giant red cat and a unicorn running in the background?! How high were the guys that made this?!
I have no idea why a dolphin is wearing this top hat. Someone call the Pentagon... Get it? Because there's a pent- ah never mind...

Oh, and also blimps and aliens, someone call Giorgio Tsoukalos!


I'm going to wrap this one up early. This game does not need more than one paragraph of information about it. It's that simple. You can buy the expansion pack for it for about 79p (or 99 cents in the USA) and it will no doubt screw your eyes and your brain up even more. The only half decent thing about this game is the music, which is kind of catchy and it does make it that little bit more addicting.

Graphics: Phone/5
Music: 3/5
Eye Pain: 100000000000/5
Severe Headaches: 200/5
Addictiveness: 1/5 

Review: Techno Kitten Adventure Review: Techno Kitten Adventure Reviewed by Matt Large on Saturday, February 28, 2015 Rating: 5

1 comment

  1. I had multiple seizures after playing this game ;-;


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