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The God Squad

The time is 6:30pm and I've just got home from work. I'm looking forward to having something to eat when suddenly the doorbell rings. I answer it and it's the next door neighbour's kid asking for his ball back, I go into the garden and throw it over for him. The bell rings again, when I answer this time, it's the local con-man, asking if I'd like a loft extension. I say no but kindly tell him that the neighbours bathroom window won't shut properly and that they're off out in 10 minutes, so he better hurry if he wants to convince them that they need insulation and the back window fixing. As I walk back towards the kitchen, the door goes again. Thinking that this is the same con-man realising that it's just me and that he's about twice my build and about 7 foot tall, I'm in no mood for a polite conversation. As I open the door their are 2 suited guys stood together, smiling like they've won the lottery. "Good evening sir, are you interested in learning more about Jesus Christ our saviour?". I ponder them for a minute, exchange a small smile back, and with all of my gusto, say "No" and slam the door. I probably shouldn't be like this to perfectly Christian people, but it's sometimes incredibly hard not to, especially when I just want to tuck into my steak and ale pie with chips. 

My short encounter with the God Squad got me thinking in general about religion. And about those who enforce their beliefs upon those other people who don't necessarily want to believe, or make their own choices with what they want to believe in. Personally, I'm not religious, but that doesn't mean I'll chastise every person who believes in Jesus, or Mohammed, or reads the Torah or is a scientologist. Well, maybe the scientologist, and possibly the Mormons, but in essence, everyone is allowed to follow their own religion. One of the benifits of living in a supposedly democratic society is the ability to practice whatever religion we choose to be preached about. Of course, every ayatollah and reverend will contradict this by saying that every religion bar their own is completely wrong. 

This brings me onto my next point. I still firmly believe that religion is the biggest cause of war and death and suffering. There's nothing more Christian than saying "believe what I say and my book says or ill hurt you". Religion has been the fatwa of the soul for millenia, has spawned hatred between people when it is supposed to nurture love, and has taught us that though every religion is taught to be right, there will always be another saying it's all wrong. 

On a slightly separate note, where has this idea of spawning religions come from in the past few years? Jediism, pantheism, Luciferism, Gnosticism, LaVey Satanism, Scientology, you name it, there's a religion for it. And how the hell do you tell that to the poor people who knock on your door asking about the census? How many adults above 18? "3". Any children? "No". Religion? "2 scientologists and a unitarianist". It makes you look fucking crazy! But we can't tell anyone else about these money making cult religion because, lo and behold, they are more than likely a Dodecahedronist or they believe in Trapoidism. Or they're Buddhist. Or God forbid they're agnostic. Okay, we get it, you kind of believe, either climb over the fence and say you believe or say you don't. Most agnostics spend most of their time at restaurants poring over every, single, piece of their dinner because they can't decide between soup or salad. Sorry, I kind of went off at a tangent there. Frigging agnostics.

At any rate, like I've said, it's unfair to chastise people for practicing religion, believing that a squirrel is their leader and taking stock in books younger than I am. What's worse is the poor sheep looking for their flock, only to find a wolf dressed like someone who knows the answers. I'll take getting knocks on my door from the Jehovahs any day of the week. As long as they aren't the local con men looking to do my roof.
The God Squad The God Squad Reviewed by Matt Large on Monday, October 20, 2014 Rating: 5

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